FOLLOWING MY FEEL GOOD

Carolyn Phelps, Ph.D

November 24, 2014

I am writing this from home where I usually write these blogs. But the difference for this blog is that I am ON VACATION (Whoo Hoo!)  Important note: even if you truly are following your feel good (and I am), you still need vacations. They allow us to get in touch with our multitudes, as Sarah would put it: our many faceted selves that make up our unique usness (or youness if the inclusive plural is confusing you).  They also allow us to get in touch with the people we love by   doing things like laughing so hard with your soul mate in a restaurant that other people shoot you THE LOOK. (I must admit that I felt bad for them because they were clearly lacking in joie de vivre. A different response from the look shooters would have been to laugh heartily with us connecting to the joie in the universe that had been made available to them in that moment.)

          Him: What is Joie de Vivre?

          Me: A French expression – “joy for life”

          Him: People aren’t going to know that.

          Me: They can look it up. It will be good for them to take personal responsibility.

          Him: They won’t do that.

          Me: Well, they’ll just have to miss out because I’m not going to do it for them.

          Him: You don’t have to lose your joie de vivre over it.

Which leads me to MESSAGE NUMBER 1 from the show: We all have our quirks. “Embrace the fact that not everyone gets you.” That is a direct quote from Dr. Seidelmann’s most awesome book BORN TO FREAK. Our quirks -  these are things that do not hurt ourselves or other people but are our eccentricities- create rich color in the universe. She says that I shouldn’t just accept my quirks – but that I should embrace them! Well now there’s a concept for all of us to wrap our personal joi around.

Or consider this: “Not everyone can handle your awesomeness. That’s okay. Toss them a loving “Namaste” and take your effervescence elsewhere.” What I love about that quote is that I do not have to feel hurt or dismayed or angry or misunderstood by those who can’t handle my awesomeness! And I should toss them a loving Namaste.” In other words, I don’t get to be mean because I am not appreciated. Instead, I should just see this as a calling to be loving and move on to others who do get me. (A primer for those not yet caught up in the Yoga frenzy, or who are caught up in the Yoga frenzy but haven’t googled what “Namaste” means: loosely translated: the light in me sees the light in you. DON’T YOU JUST LOVE THAT???)

Here is another one of my fave quotes from BORN TO FREAK:

          “To hell with what everybody else is up to. Sheeeesh! The question my dear human is what are YOU creating? Hope its amazeballs. Cheerio.”

Because, if we actually took this advice, we would all find that we have our hands full with just ourselves. Meaning…..  we do not have to be concerned about what everyone else is doing. Except if you are a parent of a 3 year old and it is very quiet in your home. Then maybe you should check that out.

MESSAGE NUMBER 2: Figure out if you are following your calling – your feel good. There are a lot of people out there who are following their despair, following their anger, following their fear, following their complacency, following their regret, following their settled for life. And once we get to be adults, which of those we follow is all on us. It isn’t our parents’ fault, our lack of parents’ fault, our toxic parents’ fault. It is not on the bad luck of the universe that has come our way. It is our responsibility. Need a role model?  Okay I am going to name some for you and then you are going to make up your own list. Let’s start with Dr. Sarah Seidelmann, who does everything she thought she wanted to do and spend boucoups time and money to do it and THEN realized “OOPS!! I MADE A MISTAKE!” And in one truly fine move (which she gave proper consideration to) changed her life.

Or how about Don and Mary Streufert? (If you have not watched the Forgiveness Episode from 11/6/14 of Speak Your Mind, stop reading this. Go watch it and then come back here.) One of their daughter’s was abducted, raped and murdered, and they find a path to forgiveness that is about living in, and being a part of, the light in the universe. If there were people who have a right to live in anger or bitterness they would be it. But that is not what they chose.

Or LaNaya Bonogofsky, who when asked how she could skydive again after being in a mid air collision while preparing to sky dive replies, ”I want to live a life where I am bigger than my fear.”

These people live in our community! So this is possible to do right here in the Northland. But you have to make the choice to do it. People do not do it for us. And heck, they shouldn’t; it’s not their job. Sometimes it is not easy, but it is always worth it. Find someone who is in love with life and the life they have created and they will talk to you, with urgency, about how it is worth it. All of them will have stories of misfortune, some will have stories of great misfortune. All of them will tell you living in the light beats living in the darkness every time.

How do you follow your feel good? How do you embrace your awesomeness? A caller asked if, when visiting Dr Seidelmann, you sit in a chair or lie down on a couch. It made me giggle only because in my own office you have both to choose from. (Well, actually one is a love seat not a couch; but still as long as you take your shoes off, if you want to lie down go, right ahead). The first decision you have to make about your life in my office is where you sit. It is a GREAT place to start, because it DOESN’T MATTER. If you choose wrong, get up and switch. If you choose well, sit there for a moment and think about how it wasn’t so bad to make a decision that you were 100% in charge of. Consider it practice for the real change. And the reason why it doesn’t matter where you sit? Because all of the real change occurs outside of my office – in your own life. Therapy isn’t life. Life coaching isn’t life. Shamanic healing isn’t life. All of these are about how to help you get to that place where you can follow your feel good. But the real work? Well, that’s up to you.

My Thanksgiving wish to you is this: May you think it is a great idea warranting action to

 Embrace your awesomeness.

 Follow your feel good.

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